Hi! I’m Angela.

Even as a young child, I knew humans were complicated, with inner happenings that didn’t always line up with what I could see. I knew this because I was a child with big feelings- I would get SO excited, SO sad, SO angry SO often! Which wasn’t well tolerated in my family- where being calm and obedient were how kids are good and respectful. So I learnt early to manage my feelings to keep peace, but as I grew I kinda understood that having these feelings kept me connected to other people, and helped me figure out who I was and this life I am here to live.

That is why I love the work I do! I have been studying and teaching emotional intelligence for almost 20 years in China and Canada. I’ve seen over and over that when people get more connected to their own and others feelings, and more aware of social and emotional cues, life gets easier, and happier. There’s more connection, motivation, co-operative problem solving, compassion. We get more resilient in the face of change.

THE HUMBLING JOURNEY FROM EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE EXPERT TO ANGRY CONFUSED PARENT

I had been teaching emotional intelligence for 6 years when I got pregnant with my first child, and I thought- well here’s a lucky kid. Look who’s going to have a supremely emotionally intelligent mom. Then, she arrived... and my emotional intelligence departed. I got overwhelmed by stress, depression and frustration. I cried, yelled, kicked walls and slammed doors.

From this little (huge) identity crisis I came to 2 conclusions:

  1. I needed to learn more about these little beings who have such disproportionate power over big people. I now see they are not just mini adults.

  2. Cleary there was an emotional landscape unique and specific to parenthood that NOBODY told me about. That perhaps navigating life as a parent required a different relationship with emotions... and different strategies and tools for emotional awareness and regulation.

And so, because I am a nerd, I went on to do a Masters in Child Development, focusing on children’s social and emotional development. And for my PhD I researched common parent emotions and studied how shame and guilt affected parent’s capacity for learning and growth. I also had 1 more kid in this time.

That’s a LOT of education. What did I learn?

  • to meet my (and any) kids where they are at

  • to identify the most important assets and skills they need to be well and successful in life, and help grow them

  • to become aware of what’s affecting my mental health and learning as a parent

  • to advocate for what I and the kids need from schools, healthcare and community

  • to respond with humility and flexibility to parenting challenges in this modern world

Do I still get frustrated at my kids? 100%. Am I still kicking walls and yelling? Sometimes. If I’ve learnt one thing, is that nobody’s perfect.

I do find more joy in parenting, and am more confident that I am preparing them to succeed and stay well in this rapidly evolving world. A And I am excited to share what I’ve learnt so we can all have a bit more ease and fun in this hard work of raising good humans.

GROWING GOOD, HAPPY HUMANS IN A RAPIDLY CHANGING WORLD

With the world changing so fast, I feel an urgency for us all to focus on what makes us happy, well humans. AT this point we don’t know what jobs our kids will have, but we know they need to:

  • be adaptable to change,

  • to find joy and cope with distress,

  • to be kind to themselves and others,

  • and to make and maintain positive relationships, whether at work, or in their personal lives.

Growing these skills should be as important and commonplace as teaching them math and literacy. It really is time for us to be explicit and intentional about helping children and their caregivers grow social and emotional skills at home and in the classroom. So I work with family support groups, early childhood educators and school teachers, and my students at the university to mobilize the research on emotional intelligence and child development to help develop programs that promote emotional competence, resilience and well-being of adults and the children they care for. ​

I do this in the beautiful city of Vancouver with my partner and 2 children, whom I love dearly and bring me lots of joy. But. Who also challenge my emotional intelligence Every. Single. Day. 

I wouldn’t have it any other way.